Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
