The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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