Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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