so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
