I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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