I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
