I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
