I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
