There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize