My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
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