yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
