i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
