I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
