my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Buhtt sex?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
