Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
