she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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