His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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