My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
farters have to be the big spoon...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
