im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
