he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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