Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize