This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
