just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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