tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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