I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i drank out of a bidet.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
