I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
