So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
