He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
