He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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