The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
