omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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