You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
40s are totally the cure
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
