i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
