i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
