tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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