just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
