he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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