Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
