I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
