Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
