I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
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