So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize