I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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