I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Randomize
