Pappa wants mamma naked
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
