I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
even my farts smell like vagina
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
