she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize