We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
