if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
did i just pee glitter
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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