you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
