Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
