Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
