between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize