What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
