you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
