I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
