god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
