There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
