$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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