So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you traded sex for a burrito?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
