he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
