Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize