My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I have post one night stand depression
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
