she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
