you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
