every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
