Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
