good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
