I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
