"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
