When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize