I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Even my vagina gasped.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
