it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
