Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
