This is not my ceiling
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
