# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize