I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
this just has baby written all over it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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