dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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