at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I woke up under a house in Key West
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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