dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
