I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize