mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
