Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
