And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
