just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
