found the other keg... it's in the tree
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
