I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
