when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
