question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
