he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
