apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I still have a little drunk in my system
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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