But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
