names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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