My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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