Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
