8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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