can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
