im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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