I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
