omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
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