So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
